The Distant Mother

Now that I am a parent I am learning how different my childhood was. Not in the geographical sense or socioeconomic sense.  I grew up in south jersey in a typical middle class neighborhood.  I mean in the presence sense.  From a young age I remember coming home from school and just being alone.  Alone to make my own snack, alone to play and then engage in homework.  And it wasn’t because a parent wasn’t home.  Almost always mom or dad would be there.  But dad worked from home or was busy avoiding mom.  And mom, well, she was closed off.  Literally.  She would hole herself in her room for days at a time and would only come out to make us some dinner or tell us to go to bed.  Now as an adult I know it was due most likely to her mental illness issues but as a kid it was my normal. This behavior would roll into the weekends.  I have a sister and I remember us just going to play in the basement with our toys for the entire weekend, left to entertain ourselves and later on, feed ourselves.

Weeks would go by where this behavior would go on. And then all of a sudden mom would resurface – full of life and energy and interest.  My sister and I would lap up this attention like puppies.  But then all of a sudden she would retreat, back to her room and the silence would envelope the house once again.

Mom never got a proper diagnosis. Over the years I theorized everything from Bi-Polar to Borderline Personality Disorder.  She died two years ago so I will never know.  And in the end it doesn’t matter.  She was the only mom I had and knew.  It was my reality.

But now? As a parent I see how crazy this behavior was and how different I am trying to be with my son. To not repeat the past.  To make it different for him.  I worry I will become her.  And I know that is crazy.  But this is me being honest.  My fear to repeat the past haunts me at nights.

I remember one time mom opened up to us and admitted she moved when we were little to be closer to her parents because she realized she couldn’t do it. Be what we needed as a mom.  And she was right.  Our “Omi” became our mother.  When my grandmother died I cried like I had lost my mother.  The grief was so intense.  It was not that way when my mom died.

For those of you out there that have had similar experiences know you are not alone. For SO long I thought what I went through was mine alone.  But now that I am older I have met so many others that have experienced absent parents.  Mental illness is the silent struggle in many families.  So many people had no clue what was really going on behind our house walls.  We looked like your average middle class family.  We even had the dog and picket fence.  But inside was silence punctuated with either violent outbursts or overzealous love.  But those stories are for another day.

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Repeat this affirmation daily – No One is you and that is your power. I am my own person, and I am blazing my own path.

Choosing Joy

Lately I have found myself in the why vortex. You know, where you question all the “wrongs” in your life. We all do it at some time or another. And I know from grieving the deaths of both of my parents that in order to move on you have to graduate from that vortex. Because in the end you either choose to be happy and celebrate what you do have or you will forever be stuck in that pit of “why.” I came across this quote yesterday and it hit me hard. I needed the reminder that I can choose joy. That joy is always an option.

Celebrate Life

See a few weeks ago I got to visit some friends from college in the city I moved to when I graduated – Philadelphia.  It has been 8 years since I had last been there.  It was so much fun seeing friends and eating delicious food (seriously Philly is a foodie heaven – I could spend DAYS eating my way through Reading Terminal Market.  I literally ate the biggest Pastrami Sandwich ever for breakfast and it was divine).  But what I didn’t anticipate was the flood of memories and emotions from my childhood.  I grew up in South Jersey.  We used to come to Philadelphia for this or that and honestly I think just being in such close geographical proximity to my childhood home opened in me a jar of emotions that I try to keep buried.  Regret that my parents are dead.  Pain that I missed my grandmothers funeral due to life circumstances.  Mad that life was not turning out how I wanted.  Painful memories I had buried for so long were fighting to come to the surface.  I stood on the lid and tried to hammer it back in but it wasn’t working too well.   And then I came home to a child sick with the stomach flu.  Talk about cortisol levels spiking!  I started to feel myself sinking into that pit of depression I fight so hard to stay out of.

So these past two weeks I have been consciously choosing joy.  Getting back into a rhythm of life that brings me happiness.  My essential oils help immensely of course.  Read here how they have helped my anxiety and depression the last two years.  In the end though it is mindset.  I am choosing to celebrate my life with all its dents and scratches.  We are all works in progress.

So choose joy today people. There is always something to celebrate.

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Essential Oils for Emotions

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Did you know that essential oils have the ability to directly access and affect the brain’s limbic region, the center of emotion and memory? Many oils can be used to create a positive emotional state, help soothe grief, create an environment of relaxation at the end of a long day, and much more. Sometimes a busy schedule and the demands of daily life can make it nearly impossible to relax.

Through diffusion, direct inhalation, and massage, Young Living products can become an affirming part of your day. Did you know that our sense of smell is estimated to be 10,000 times more acute than our other senses and sensitive to some 10,000 chemical compounds?  Once registered, scent travels faster to the brain than either sight or sound!

I discovered essential oils soon after my mom died in July of 2015. I was exhausted both mentally and physically and thought what the heck it can’t hurt to try them so I ordered a kit.  It was the best decision I ever made.  They have been amazing for me for multiple reasons but the most surprising one for me was the emotional support I got from using them! I have struggled with anxiety and depression on and off my whole life.   I now use a variety of essential oils everyday and have never felt better! They help with my sleep, and I am an all around happier person.  With an active toddler at home this has been a lifesaver!!

So how does this translate to you? It’s important to remember that our thoughts carry frequency.  When you apply an essential oil on your feet, it can saturate your cells within 60 seconds, stimulating creative thinking and pushing negative energy out, thus increasing the frequencies of the cells throughout the body. In that uplifted state, you can create a new desire to be better tomorrow. You have no limitations but those you choose to accept.

Gary Young likes to say that when you’re using the oils and you have something specific that you are working on, bring your intention, your intent, to it and tell the oils what you want them to do. If you’re looking to mend your broken heart or you’re looking for more energy or you’re looking to be in harmony with co-workers or a loved one just tell the oils what you want them to do and be open to the change that will happen.

How essential oils impact emotions

99% of life’s decisions are made from feelings. When our thoughts are limited by fears, lack of self-worth, and not feeling good enough for more or better, we make decisions that limit our success.  Therefore, if you want your life to be guided by good decisions that lead to health, happiness, and fulfillment, you need to be aware of and in control of your present feelings and to learn how to release the repressed emotions of the past.

Wheel of emotions

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See this picture of the 8 “basic human emotions” we all feel. Essential Oils play a powerful role in Emotional Healing.  We all hold unresolved feelings of pain and hurt which may need to be brought to the surface and let go.

Essential Oils can help your body release stagnant anger, sadness, grief, judgment and low self worth. Those feelings of low vibration cannot coexist with your new high frequency environment of balance and peace that the essential oils help create.

It is important to remember that Essential Oils do not do our emotional work for us. They simply assist in the process.  As feelings surface with the application of oils I would suggest that you use meditation and journaling along with prayer to facilitate the healing process.

Since I introduced essential oils into my life I feel more in control of the rollercoaster. The emotions don’t own me as much as I own THEM.  And that has been priceless for me and why I am so passionate about sharing them with all of you today.

Joy or Sadness

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I love diffusing Orange at work. It is a smell the fellow co-workers like and it helps keep me calm (er) when those e-mails start to pile up.  I wear Joy daily as a perfume – this oil has been immensely helpful in dealing with my depression over losing my parents and dealing with life in general. Joy contains rose oil, which has the highest frequency of any essential oil out there!  Some of the other blends listed in the photo below are Peace and Calming, which is amazing for children, And White Angelica , which is one so many people say helps them cope with life in general.

Trust or Disgust

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There are some great blends and oils listed here. Have you ever smelled an essential oil that you didn’t like?  When I first smelled Frankincense I swear I thought I was smelling a shoe. I am serious.  Everyone reacts different to the scent of an essential oil.  Most smell divine but some take some getting used to. But I had heard it took out wrinkles so I used it on my face anyway every night before bed.  I noticed after a week I felt calmer.  More grounded.  The smell grew on me and caught myself sniffing straight from the bottle.  And yes, it did help my wrinkles! The moral of this story is if you don’t like a smell of an oil it means you need it!

Fear or Anger

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There are some great oils listed here but I am going to concentrate on one specifically because it has literally changed my life. I am talking about Valor Essential Oil. The oils in this blend are Black Spruce, Camphor Wood, Blue Tansy, Frankincense, and Geranium.

It is the most popular blend Young Living sells.  It just came back in stock after almost 2 years of supply issues.  This oil blend changed my life in regards to managing my anxiety and helping me sleep. I rub a few drops into my feet before bed and I swear I hear my mind shutting down. I am so excited to be able to use this oil again!

The Feelings Collection

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What an amazing collection of oils for promoting all the good feels! If you don’t know where to start with the emotional oils Young Living sells, this is a great place to begin. You can use all of these oils alone but they work better together. The kit comes with instructions on how to use them and I will talk about them in detail over the next few posts.

Also this kit gives you a BIG price break over buying all these oils individually. So this reason alone is why I suggest you buy it if you are wanting a number of them. If you were to purchase all 6 bottles separately as a member it would cost $299! The feelings kit is only $175.75 which gives you over $123 in savings! AND you can purchase this on the essential rewards program, which gives you cash back on your purchases – up to 25%. Yes and thank you to saving money, can I get an amen?!? Have I told you how much I love Young Living?

Forgiveness

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Apply Forgiveness around the navel with the right hand going clockwise several times and think of situations where you need to forgive yourself or others. We beat up on ourselves, but everyone makes mistakes. Yet we struggle to forgive our own mistakes and those of others. This blend creates the frequency and the fragrance that stimulates the mind to move past the trauma or the problem. You do not need the other person to be present, because this is an inner adjustment on your part. Forgive that person or yourself and be thankful for the experience and the lesson it taught you. Inhale and apply Forgiveness while going through the process and repeat as often as necessary. How to use: Apply around navel and the heart, or wear as a perfume.

Harmony

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We need harmony in our life but sometimes it goes haywire. Sometimes we’re at dissonance with people, sometimes we don’t get along, sometimes we have different opinions and we’re really strong about ours.  I think Harmony helps us to maybe have a little more leeway when dealing with other people, and hopefully they’ll have a little more leeway with us so we can really understand and be with each other harmonically.

Inner Child

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When you are a child, all things are possible. There are no limitations. When you have found your inner child, you have found your true self. The child in you is your creativity. Often we are unable to progress to our highest potential because we are not connected to our identity. Many complications arise as a result of lost identity from the inner child. You can apply Inner Child on various points depending upon how you are directed: around the navel, over the heart, applied on the sternum, the throat, or behind the ears. I enjoy it on the temples.

Present Time

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How many of us forget to enjoy the moment?!? We all do too frequently.  When we live in the past or dwell on the future, we are not being productive in the present. Energize three drops of Present Time by making clockwise circles on the oil in the palm of your hand and then apply it to your thymus (the gland just under your sternum or breastbone). This will keep you focused on the tasks of today.

Release

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Negative energy goes into the blood and then to the liver, where the toxic feelings can remain trapped. Thus, the liver becomes a storage place for anger, resentment, bitterness, hatred, jealousy, envy, addictions, and a host of destructive feelings. Apply a drop of Release on your tongue to let go of poisonous stored emotions from the liver. Rub Release over the liver area.

Valor

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You should start with six drops of Valor on the soles of both feet at bedtime or whenever you decide to use this kit. I would also suggest Highest Potential along with the Valor. These two blends are effective to erase limited thinking. Valor balances and equalizes the body’s energies, thereby increasing oxygen intake to the pineal gland—the seat of our higher intelligence and intuitive faculties. You will wake up more self-assured and more alive to start the day.

Premium Starter Kit oils

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All these oils I have talked about are amazing, but the oils that come in the Young Living Starter Kit can also help your emotions! Lavender, Stress Away and Frankincense are all amazing to enhance your meditation or to end your day on a positive note.

Buy a starter kit

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If you have never purchased from Young Living before I encourage you to purchase through me. I always recommend you purchase the starter kit because you will start with the most popular oils and it gives you a membership with Young Living so you can reorder oils like the feelings kit at the cheapest price.

Go HERE to purchase.

If you have read this to the end Thank You! To get the benefits of oils just use them! Every day and throughout the day! I make rollers with them for portability; I have bottles by my bathroom sink and at my desk at work and a diffuser in multiple rooms of my home. I wear them, diffuse them and smell them throughout the day.  The more you use them, the more you will benefit.

I dare all of you to take the 30 day oil up challenge. Apply or diffuse essential oils twice a day for 30 days and you will be amazed at the difference you feel!

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